...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
