He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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