I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
