someone threw a dead crab at me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
