so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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