Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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