Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
birth control should be required to get into college
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
