If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
No subtext here. People are naked.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
