we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
