My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
