Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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