Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
