i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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