I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dear god my vagina.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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