So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
