just tell him i said nine months
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So vagazzling was a success
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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