What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
