I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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