hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
