Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
