You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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