no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
