does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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