im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's the barista slut.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just googled if crying burns calories
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
