DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
