i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize