I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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