talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
