We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize