Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
