dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
