Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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