i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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