how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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