So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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