You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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