I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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