people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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