Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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