i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
