sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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