nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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