Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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