i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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