It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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