This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
