I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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