Your dad touched me again.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
