Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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