So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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