i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
