saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
