I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
