I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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