I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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