my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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