What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
