Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
