I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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