so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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