Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
