My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
