Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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