I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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