You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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