Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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