After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
