Will you blow on my dice?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
