I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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