After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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